Cannot see Future

Currently feeling lost! Suddenly duno what will my future be. My mother does not want to see him anymore even though he is to apologise. If I were to stay his place, its up to me (as what my mother say). Stacy say dun do things which will hurt my mum but more or less, it will. I oso duno if staying w him will be a good choice. Will I be with him forever? I cant see the future with him now. I duno so many things. I duno if he still loves me. I duno if wana spend his life with ne. I duno what is he thinking. I dun feel any security from him.

He called this afternoon saying he will not be meeting me cos he is going out with SQ pple. Asked me to give him morning call tomorrow cos they will be drinking tonight. I said ok. Then while talking to Terence, this thought came to my mind.... he probably meeting the bitch & they are going out.... I cant help thinking of this. Can this scary & lost period faster pass by?!?!?!?!?!? Sometimes I really hate my life. Ending it probably will be a good solution.