**Christmas..a period of Loneliness**

Merry Christmas!!! Bet frans are enjoying this festive season w their loved ones... well for me... its a different Xmas from the last 3 yrs... still cannot decide if its a good or bad thing...
Okie... here is an update of wat have happened for the past week......... Basically clubbed for 4 nites.... :P

Wednesday supposedly going to MOS w Karen.. however so many pple... ended up at MW... & it turned out that half of it has turned to 'ming ge chiang ting'... OMG... cannot believe it & its so boring... after that got frans at MOS q-ing.. so I alone went over to join them... MOS is the best... clubbed till 4am.. went home.. slept for 1 hr & headed for work... zombie the next day man...

Thurday went dinner w Saadiah & Pat... supposedly is purely dinner ah.. but ended up drinking oso... the more I drink.. the more wana slp.. haha... slept for 6 hrs tat nite... better than 1 hr ah.. haha..

Friday went MOS at 9 plus.. to avoid the long q... yes.. its super early... we sit there until sian.. though I dun really feel like leaving.. but majority wins.. so we headed to Thumper.. saw my 'chu lian qin ren'.... haha.. stayed there till 4am... next day got to work somemore... i really become super woman already...

Sat came home & took a nap after work... then headed to Thumper again.. cover charge $50 per head leh.. ex... in the end we opened 1 chivas..waived 3 head count.. so got to pay another cover... anyway i need not pay anything that nite... :p xmas celebration over there was so so only... we shared table with a group of guys... then think Pat high already.. went to cheers w them.. haha.. later one of them came over asking am i Ok.. & after that played 5-10.... got 1 cute guy in the group...exchanged numbers... :p stayed ard 3 plus...

Sunday intend to meet Karen for dinner... chit chat.. however received SMS from dbl O about free entry tat nite.. so yup.. ended up at dbl O with frans... was mostly drinking than dancing since the drinks there are dirt cheap... unhappy things happen at there that nite... think I gotta ban going those places w 'O' liao... all sad incidents happen at dbl O, O Bar, MOS....

Today woke up... feeling miserable... started to cry... its been quite long that I cried so terribly... I really HATE myself at times... obviously noe nothing will comes out of it... even if really 1 day got chance to be back together, I clearly noes I wun wan... but WHY am I still feeling this way??? Why do I still wana HANG on to it??? Have I gotten over yet or not??? My sober mind tells me yes... almost... but when I am drunk, it says otherwise... some pple said u express ur true feelings when u r drunk.. some said no... u r jus uttering plain rubbish... so wat the HELL is it? Will someone tell me exactly wat am I thinking / feeling?

**Where is my AWS???**

I am broke... damn super broke... when can I get my AWS??? Stace was asking if I normally have pple to sign me in when clubbing.... well.. yup.. most of the time... all thanks to Calista... haha.. she got so many lobangs.... If no one sign me in, I think now I am penniless liao...

Accompany Elaine to do her Xmas shopping today after work.... She said I dun look happy... erm.. perhaps...I dun feel happy nor sad.. jus normal lor... She was wondering how will Kenneth react when he see me? erm.. I oso wish to know leh.. then she suddenly ask me if I feel happier now or when with Kenneth... wah.. wat a question.. seriously I duno leh... she thinks I am happier when I with Kenneth.. life more stable... not as messy as now... ya.. I admit ... my life is kinda messy currently.... but happier when with him? really not sure about that... Anyway i think almost everyone has been toking about my slimming down thingy... Today my colleague suddenly came up & asked me this, ' I got a personal q to ask u... Are you taking any slimming pills?'.... I was like huh? no lor.. I didnt... Y wouldnt anyone believe me? hai~ I honestly tell pple is due to sad lor... but no one believes... :(

Meeting Stace & Karen tmr... its been so long 3 of us didnt have dinner toegther liao... Karen on leave on Thurs.. so suggested go M.O.S tmr nite after dinner.... ok lor.. I will acc her go.. I very gd 1 even though next day still gotta work... haha... ok.. its getting late... gotta get my beauty slp.. Nitez...

**M.O.S.... !!!***

Last Friday was on leave.. so met up with Ser to go Bugis 'bai bai'... the lot that I 'jiu' average only... we later went to walk walk & chit chat... Met up w Calista after that... supposedly go Zouk 1... suddenly change of plan... we are going M.O.S instead....!!!! since her frans got invites... hehe... 1 word to describe that place... COOL..... I simply like M.O.S... !!! they have 4 sections playing diff types of music... we love the r&b section.. though its quiet small... Hang there till 4.30 before heading home... by then already dead tired liao... legs aching... but enjoyed the nite....

Watched 'The Descent' yesterday... heard that its as gross as Saw II... but not leh.. instead I find its more scary than gross... was being scared quite a no. of times... overall so so show lah...planned to go Liquid Room after that.. but Pat msged he is going M.O.S ... I oso gain gain that place ah... & I dun really like Liquid Room afterall.. so psycho Calista to go M.O.S instead.... ya.. so we went there for 2 consecutive nites... think I am addicted to that place already... :) really dance until my legs damn aching man...

Something happened jus now which I duno whether to feel happy or sad... actually I dun even noe wat the hell I am feeling now... I didnt wan everything to end up like tat... in fact this is the last thing I ever wanted... He called me earlier on to chat.... but jus after a few mins, its gone... OMG... y does it have to turn out like tat?!?!?!?!?





**View of M.O.S dance floor from 2nd level**


**Taken @ MOS.. Very blur hor....**



** Look damn blur man...**


**Zi lian while on the phone**


**RelaxingFriday.....**



**Sweetie Cassie**

**Hangover Aga|n**

Had a crazy Saturday but terrible Sunday.... Supposedly to go Dbl O with Calista & Uncle... however guess the poor ger club too much on Friday... fell sick liao... so I go with Uncle only lor... Our main objective for that nite is to party like crazy.... Yeah......

Drank like siao that nite... didnt really drink much ... but guess is the mixture of different alcohol that made me 'seh'... Bacardi.... Gin Tonic... Long Island Tea... Whisky Dry... White Wine.... Whereas Uncle only drank Barcadi & Gin Tonic.... He gave excuses saying he got to drive so cant drink so much... after comsuming all the drinks, both of us already half gone liao... so headed up to the top of the stage & started dancing like nobody business... thats the fun of it isnt it? dun bother about wat pple think of u... however that nite i did something which the outcome is ...... duno how to say... but dun anyhow think hor... its nothing of watever dirty u guys are thinking... jus that its like kena slapped in the face lor... but i seh lah... so dun really noe wat the hell did i sms oso... anyway its over liao.. oso dun wana think so much....

Sunday woke up with a teribble hangover...practically slept the whole day... slp... wake up.. headache.... slp again... my routine for Sunday..... :)

Jus came back from meeting a fran... erm.. he behaved very strangely.... his so called 'closed up' version... i dun like lor... so weird... not used to he behaving like tat... Disappointed was how i felt... anyway he is just being moody today... so guess this behaviour should not last tat long ah....

**What will be ur Feelings?**

If someone said

'You are not PRETTY enough for me...!!!'
How will you feel?

If someone said

'You lose 20kg, I come back look for you....'
How will you feel?

I will definitely feel disheartened...demoralised...hurt....so down graded... but does tat person actually noe he is hurting you terribly??? No... He wun noe... & he wouldnt even bother to noe or care about your feelings... He will just talk about his things.... about wanting to noe pretty gers... etc... he just wouldnt care about your feelings when u hear all these... Horrible feeling for you isnt it? Wanted to cry at that point of time but jus couldnt... U cant let him noe u r crying... couldnt let him noe how weak u r.... Mus be strong in front of him no matter wat happen even though its jus an act....

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Suppose to meet Karen today for shopping but I jus have no mood to... these few days I jus wana lock myself at home after work... no mood to do anything... too many things to think about... only time when I stopped thinking about such stuffs is when I am totally engrossed in my work.... I wish I have more to do @ work now.. to keep me occupied.... Well I am definitely handling this upcoming big acc, 3COM.... had a discussion yesterday on the overview of this acc... erm ok ah... doesnt seems tat tough ah... however watever discussed was supposedly under the perfect situation ah... but sure bound to have been hipcupps here & there 1... so might not be that easy afterall... tmr going to see the customer... at least I noe how they look like when I liase with them.... now my job seems to more interesting... go see customers... involve in major accounts... hope it will continue to go up... Ok.. back to today... so I 'dua' Karen initally.... Calista called as well... erm I rejected her... Finally my mum called & asked me to meet her @ Bugis cos she is buying this equipment which is super heavy... want me to go carry for her... So I am being 'forced' to go out afterall... Just nice Uncle Erik called & knowing I in a bad mood... he offered to meet me... so in the end I jio Uncle & Karen down to Bugis to have dinner lor...

Waited for them so long leh... so I & my mum went shopping ard when saw a white Ellesse watch... very nice leh... but I no $$... my mum offered to pay 1st ah... hehe... now got new watch liao... so next target will a nice pair of sunglasses... saw some Gucci ones.... but not tat nice leh... nvm.. will wait & see... We then have dinner @ Siam Kitchen... The food sucks esp the buffet... not nice at all...

Actually duno should I feel happy or sad... some pple say I slim down alot.. some pple say I very fat... Heard both comments on the same day.... This means I mus be a big fat pig last time man... !!!
One of ours contractor asked me wat I have eaten which resulted me in slimming down so much recently...ask me to tell her... She said the contractors are all toking about it... wah.. I didnt noe I so hot topic ah... Seriously nothing lor... Be sad I guess.. haha... My mum's fran oso saw me today....from far she asked my mum if thats me... & said tat I have slimmed down alot since the last time she saw me which is 1 mth ago... got so 'kua zhang' meh? Well the horrible comments of cos I would not wan to elaborate on it.... erm now that I got quite a few exercise machines & stuff... I will continue to work on it.. probably lose 20kg more...? haha..... Franz!!! Be prepared to see Cass the Skeleton if I really achieved that.....

**FranZ No More**

Suddenly duno wat to write... where as minutes ago... I was dying to blog watever is in my mind...

Something happened....I wana noe more about it simply cos I loved & cared for you...Nobody likes the other party to keep secrets from them.... No one girl wouldnt want to know about their bf's past relationships esp those that impacted him greatly.... unless she dun even give a damn about him....To me, HONESTY & TRUST are the key factors to keep 2 people together... Will you mind if ur gf dun tell you anything about her past relatinships? How will you feel if she just refused to say anything?

Since you have decided that you wan it this way.... so be it....

**MiXeD FeeLinGs OnCe Aga|n**

Changed my layout again.. Well cos its not appropriate anymore... Didnt expect it to last for such a short period only... Anyway the outlook of my new webbie is still nice.... Agree? :)

Was on MC last fri... Having quite a bad flu... well but tat did not stop me from going out...Met Calista's & her fran for KTV which then we proceed to Zouk...Erm I still dun like Zouk despite this is my third time going... Still prefer MW afterall...

Sat went to Creative to change my MP3 player the THIRD time... ya..within a year its spoilt for the 3rd time.. lousy & the stupid service centre is damn far... Jurong leh... when I reached there the stupid MP3 player jus wouldnt hang... like tat how to prove to them its faulty... piang.. i made alittle bit hoo-ha...then they finally agreed to change a new 1 for me... hehe... this time i got a dark blue Zen Micro... Initially I bought a black 1.. then when its spoilt for the 2nd time... they no stock for black.. so they offered a silver lor... bo pian lor.. i waited too long liao.. now I ask them to give me a blue 1... haha... Hope it wun spoil again... its too troublesome & my warranty is ending soon....
After that went to see SawII...erm i find part 1 more disgusting leh... anyway the show not bad lah... more suitable for the psycho pple...haha... Someone bought me a mahjong pc game... duno if that person is willing or not... maybe its jus a slip of the tougue to offer buy give me... until today still asking me to give him back the $$.... :( Suppose to meet Calista & fran @ Liquid Room after the show...but not feeling too good.. so I 'dua' her again.. Guess she must be very pissed off with me...

These past days having all types of feelings.... Happy... Disappointed... Relief... Sad...Seriously I oso duno wat I am thinking now... Today woke up feeling very happy... it could be the tot of yesterday... but when reality hit me... I became disappointed... At some point felt happy that we are franz but when think more about it... it jus saddens me...Maybe 1 day I would not hear from him suddenly.. when he found someone else....Jus duno when that day will come... Sometimes I feel myself damn 'shi bai'... saw something on msn currently which triggered me to have such feeling... though I noe it all along.. but seeing it made me come to my senses... tear flowed... I am trying very hard to be normal franz... & I noe I am almost there already...

**Back to Singlehood....**

Guess the subject explains everything... no more Dear anymore... suddenly I feel everything took place so fast... He used to tell me this but at that point of time, I dun think so at all.... Only when its over then I realise 'yes... it happened too fast...' Duno if its a good or bad thing... but no matter wat, its over.... I have to learn to let go of it...


Met up with Karen today @ Addicted... Her main intention is to have a talk with me, not drink... however guess he has 'saved' the trouble for her.... no talk is needed afterall, he has made the decision already... Before going home, Karen asked if I am alrite... 'yup' was my reply... She kept asking me ' r u sure?' ... think it scares her that I look too ok esp in such situation... Seeing my own behaviour.. I oso scared... I am just too alright already...


Currently feeling confused, lost, maybe kinda relief as well... dun ask me y... I oso duno... Maybe like wat he said, life without him will be better.... Maybe... Perhaps....Hopefully....


Btw met Dimple Guy @ Addicted as well... He told Karen that I slimmed down alot... erm the last time i seen him was about only a mth ago... however I dun think so leh... didnt even made the effort to go on diet leh... Anyway I am happy to hear that ah... Will continue to strive to attain a slimmer Cassie.... :)

**Long Awaited Chicken.....**

Finally caught 'Chicken Little' today... after seeing the posters almost everywhere around the streets... Was a funny & entertaining show... though it definitely cant be compared to Monster Inc (my favourite)!!! I love the fishy... its so cute... cant stop laughing.... if got the soft toy... i sure get it... hehe... will recommend you guys to catch it though the movie is only 1 1/2 hr...


Btw had my appraisal yesterday.... was expecting something bad... however it turned out otherwise.. I have improved compared to the previous 1 done half yr ago... of cos still got areas to work on it... felt happy tat my hard work has been recognised & of cos more motivated... Recently we have a big trial shipment & I was chosen to do it.... Oso yesterday during appraisal, heard that we will be having a new customer which is super big... & again they are intending to put me handle this account... Yes.... i felt honoured to handle major accounts... Actually I used to handle major accounts oso ah... so this shows that I did do a good job afterall... thats y they trust me to handle this up-coming account well too...Karen is happy for me oso.. at least my career is going some where.... :)